Football Forum | Ticket Forum | Off-Topic Forum | All

les marteaux 7:44 Sat Aug 30
New Limerick Thread

Same as before

The football we play to be blunt
Is to most West Ham fans an affront

arsene york-hunt 2:08 Fri May 17
Re: New Limerick Thread

Two Geordie girls took off their tops
They had nipples like organ stops
To the local lido,
For a tan they did go.
Until led away by the cops.

in a camp for the naturist,
A regular punter got pissed

Helmut Shown 12:47 Fri May 17
Re: New Limerick Thread

School lunch time we went and bought fags,
And talked of poofs, johnies, jam rags
Gaining sexual proficiency
Reading Health & Efficiency
Before there were top shelf mags

Two Geordie girls took off their tops
They had nipples like organ stops

arsene york-hunt 7:28 Thu May 16
Re: New Limerick Thread

A bird from Essex had piss-flaps
That snaped on a cock like bear traps,
Not washing and such,
Caused an unmoist crutch,
So now they are covered with chaps.

School lunch time we went and bought fags,
And talked of poofs, johnies, jam rags

Hello Mrs. Jones 5:55 Thu May 16
Re: New Limerick Thread

The was a bloke from Montreal,
Who sat around doing fuck all
The bored stiff Canuck
Just didnt give a fuck
So he just sat and stared at the wall

A bird from Essex had piss-flaps
That snaped on a cock like bear traps

arsene york-hunt 1:25 Thu May 16
Re: New Limerick Thread

On a beach he decided to sit
But was hit by some seagull shit
The bloke next to him,
His old Uncle Jim,
Was hit by some poop from a tit.


The was a bloke from Montreal,
Who sat around doing fuck all.

Helmut Shown 1:12 Thu May 16
Re: New Limerick Thread

Our usual transfer window is grim
Perhaps it’ll be better with Tim
Sully will cheer
With Brady in his ear
Just shows the power of the quim

On a beach he decided to sit
But was hit by some seagull shit

Hello Mrs. Jones 10:50 Wed May 15
Re: New Limerick Thread

Sullivan walks into a charity shop
As he can't sell his clothes on Depop
They said his Russian hat
Looked like a dead cat
The whole exercise was a flop

Our usual transfer window is grim
Perhaps it’ll be better with Tim

Alwaysaniron 8:09 Wed May 15
Re: New Limerick Thread

Now we can't tell the kids about sex
And some of our posters (well, one, actually) that will vex
So go get the kids toys
dolls for girls, Dinosaurs for the boys
then let Babie get fucked by T-Rex

Sullivan walks into a charity shop
As he can't sell his clothes on Depop

Mike Oxsaw 6:44 Wed May 15
Re: New Limerick Thread

A strange bloke I knew called Paul
Fell in love with his 60s Vauxhall.
Balls deep up it's pipe,
Then his knob he would wipe,
On the windscreen...and sadly that's all.

Now we can't tell the kids about sex
And some of our posters (well, one, actually) that will vex

Hello Mrs. Jones 5:51 Wed May 15
Re: New Limerick Thread

A transvestite geezer called Mick
In the ladies washing his dick.
The size of his schlong
He pulled from his thong
Was the size of a fucking breadstick

A strange bloke I knew called Paul
Fell in love with his 60s Vauxhall

arsene york-hunt 3:09 Wed May 15
Re: New Limerick Thread

Are we facing a footballing dawn?
Or will Lopetegui face more scorn?
Will we reach a great height,
Or the usual old shite,
And after bad form will be gorn.

A transvestite geezer called Mick
In the ladies washing his dick.

Helmut Shown 2:23 Wed May 15
Re: New Limerick Thread

So Arsenal's fates in our hands which is nice
They're asking for payback for them buying Rice
'afore Moyes mounts his bike
They can wish all they like
we'll be 3-0 down in a trice

Are we facing a footballing dawn?
Or will Lopetegui face more scorn?

Alwaysaniron 12:08 Wed May 15
Re: New Limerick Thread

The punters you get at the Lane,
Their chants and songs are so inane.
But they've reached a new low
With their latest poor show
Doing the Poznan is fucking insane

So Arsenals fates in our hands which is nice
They're asking for payback for them buying Rice

Alwaysaniron 12:05 Wed May 15
Re: New Limerick Thread

The punters you get at the Lane,
Their chants and songs are so inane.
But they've reached a new low
With their latest poor show
Doing the Poznan is fucking insane

So Arsenals fate is our hands which is nice
They asking for payback for them buying Rice

Alwaysaniron 11:56 Wed May 15
Re: New Limerick Thread

The football we play to be blunt
Is to most West Ham fans an affront
We rarely create
When we do it's too late
Attack from the start you dinosaur cunt!


Now it's Moyes's last game which is nice
And by winning we'd surely please Rice

arsene york-hunt 3:33 Wed May 15
Re: New Limerick Thread

Now, Jimmy, from just down the lane,
Was a right little scrote - total pain.
This fuck-witted fool,
Likes exposing his tool,
Now's sectioned 'cause he is insane.

The punters you get at the Lane,
Their chants and songs are so inane.

Mike Oxsaw 2:49 Wed May 15
Re: New Limerick Thread

This well-endowed bird from Bude
Liked to go out in the nude.
Her minge hair got caught
In some shopping she'd bought
Which somewhat did darken her mood.

Now, Jimmy, from just down the lane,
Was a right little scrote - total pain.

Hello Mrs. Jones 2:36 Wed May 15
Re: New Limerick Thread

A smart city banker called Kit
Fell over after slipping on shit
It came from a beagle
Which caused the spreadeagle
and made him look a right tit

This well-endowed bird from Bude
Liked to go out in the nude

Helmut Shown 1:29 Wed May 15
Re: New Limerick Thread

I once met a really weird bloke
Who thought comedy should be woke.
David Badiel?
Him of the front wheel?
His comedy just ain't worth a poke

A smart city banker called Kit
Fell over after slipping on shit

arsene york-hunt 12:04 Wed May 15
Re: New Limerick Thread

When this mortal coil you depart
It s said that the dead still can fart
Done at one's leisure,
Your one final pleasure,
Then off to hell in a handcart.

I once met a really weird bloke
Who thought comedy should be woke.

Helmut Shown 10:39 Tue May 14
Re: New Limerick Thread

There was a man from Winnipeg
Whose knob hung halfway down his leg
It was tied with a strap
Just above his kneecap
Very sore when you kneel down and beg

When this mortal coil you depart
It s said that the dead still can fart

Page 1 - Next